im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
