i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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