Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
