How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
