I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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