we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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