oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it's like iHOP with fire
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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