I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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