I wish they made helmets for livers.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
