My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
nutella sex= disaster
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
