We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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