just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
