The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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