im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
