Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
