Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
