Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
