you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
