Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
