If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
