My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
whose parrot is this?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
