I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
