i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
