Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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