your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
BRING THE BAGELS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
