allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
