but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
