My hair reeks of homosexuality.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
