So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
