I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
