so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
