WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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