WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
