I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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