Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
