I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
