It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
