adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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