I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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