So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just invented taco cereal.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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