Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
