I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
