highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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