i jhust puked up my retainher.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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