Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found your dick twin last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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