I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
