I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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