You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
