the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
