using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
