im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Pooping to opera.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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