The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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