Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
