it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
