She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
